Only Use the Word “Friend” for Actual FRIENDS!

Just about the fastest way to get me to tune out someone speaking to a crowd of people is for them to begin by addressing the crowd as “friends.” I think the same thing every time. “You don’t know me. We aren’t friends. We don’t hang out. I can’t call you if I need something.” I feel like at best the speaker doesn’t hold the same value for the word “friend” that I do and that at worst the speaker is being disingenuous in an attempt to manipulate me.

I understand that the word “friend” can be used in a general sense to convey a desire to be friendly with someone or a group of people. I realize that language is nuanced and that addressing a group of people as “friends” is not some kind of major rhetorical error. I get it…I just don’t like it.

Friend is a powerful word and a beautiful relational descriptor. I only use the word “friend” to refer to actual friends. I am careful with the word “friend” because my friendships are a big deal. This seemingly small detail has huge ramifications. I am consistently reminded of how special relationships are and I do not take them for granted.

I think relationships matter and understanding the dynamics of different relationships is crucial. For instance, my children are not my friends…they are my kids. I have many friends, but only three children. The relationship is special and different. My wife is not my best friend. She is my wife. The relationship is greater and different than any best friend I’ve ever had. In my lifetime, I have had many best friends, but only one wife. I enjoy my wife and children in friendly ways, but the relationships are different than my relationships with my friends.

In a similar fashion, I hold the word “friend” in high regard. I do not use it lightly. I do not throw it around willy-nilly to apply to every person I encounter. My friends are people who have access to me. When they call, I answer. When they need something, I try to help. When they celebrate, I celebrate. When they mourn, I mourn. I cannot be a friend to every person I know, and I do not expect acquaintances to treat me as a friend.

Friendships are special relationships that require time, attention, and work. Friendships are important and my desire to have good friendships drives me to be a good friend. What is a good friend? Jesus has a great answer to that question.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:12-15 NIV)

Jesus is the greatest friend. He laid down His life for us and chooses to call us friends. He reveals His business to us and shares His mission with us. Jesus gave His life so that we can share in His resurrected life. What a friend we have in Jesus!

So even if we are not friends, we can still have One friend in common. Jesus is my friend and He can be your friend too. Be a friend like Jesus and He will transform your world.